Yes, we all know that there are upsides to online dating!
We are also aware of the drawbacks and it was in fact these that inspired me when creating Pink Lobster Dating to give women a better experience.
In reply to the article in the Huffington Post this week “7 Drawbacks to Online Dating: According to Science” I have offered below each of the 7, my rebuttal
7 Drawbacks Of Online Dating, According To Science
The upside of online dating is obvious: It's an easy way to meet a bunch of potential dates whenever you want. But does all of that quantity and convenience equal quality? Not always.
As 38 percent of contemporary American singles looking for love online, there's now a whole body of scientific research to give us a bit of perspective. These sites and apps may have come a long way since Match.com kicked off online dating in 1995, but studies are showing that there's still plenty of reasons to look away from your smartphones and try to meet people the old-fashioned way.
Here, we've rounded up a few key drawbacks of online dating that might make you want to put more effort into meeting someone IRL.
1. All of that scrolling and swiping might make you look at potential dates -- aka people -- as commodities.
A 2012 comprehensive review of online dating sites found that having access to a seemingly infinite supply of profiles "can lead individuals to commoditize potential partners." In that situation, it's pretty easy for people to become overly picky -- women can sometimes be deemed undesirable with any profile picture they pick (seriously).
The need for visuals to overtake the personality is what we are against. This is why we don’t offer a “Tinder” style photo swiping options. We encourage members to delve more deeply into their personalities and stand out for your qualities and not only for your appearance. This is why our profiles are concise and ask direct questions.
2. Unlimited options means you may have a hard time finding someone who's willing to commit.
Three words: paradox of choice. Having an unlimited pool of potential dates can not only make people feel less satisfied with their ultimate decision, but it can also lead them to freeze up and not make a choice at all. In fact, that aforementioned 2012 review found that online daters were less willing to settle down and commit to a single partner while they had boundless options literally at their fingertips, a sentiment that32 percent of Internet users echoed in a 2013 Pew Research Center poll.
Yes generic dating sites that place ALL types of people into one gigantic melting pot are indeed intimidating and off putting. There are numerous dating platforms for ALL heterosexuals such as match.com and POF.com and there are numerous dating platforms for ALL lesbians such as PinkSofa.com and PinkCupid.com. If you have time and a great deal of patience, are not naïve and can take harassment then these could work for you. Members on Pink Lobster Dating have a smaller yet more selective group of women. Femme dating allows ALL women who feel femme to find each other safely, securely, without judgement and without trawling the oceans in search of their lobsters. Furthermore there are numerous checks so that you do not have to deal with stalkers and inappropriate people.
3. Those compatibility algorithms dating sites tout are not as effective as they sound.
A potential limitation, according to a 2012 critical analysis paper, is that sites don't have any way of knowing how people will act once they've met a match, since the intake questionnaires only gather information about singles before they're matched. Factors like communication patterns, problem-solving skills and sexual compatibility are "crucial for predicting the success or failure of relationships" but can't be captured in an algorithm employed pre-meeting (yet).
100% behind you on this one (or is that in front?!?). Absolutely agree that complex matching systems based on algorithms do not work. It is primarily about the spark and calculations do not pre determine electricity unless you’re a physicist. We at Pink Lobster Dating encourage women to focus on their main must haves and then to get out and dates lots of women. After all, more stories of true love have been between those who would not necessarily have “chosen” each other. So we recommend going with that “wild card”.
4. Communicating online before meeting IRL can cause you to build up unrealistic expectations.
While chatting online pre-date might seem like a great way to vet matches, there's a "tipping point" at which all of that information gathering might be hurting your love life, according to a 2014 study. The findings suggests that chatting online longer than 17 days before meeting face-to-face can lead to major disappointment, since people tend to fill in gaps of information about a potential partner with qualities they'd like them to posses. Meeting a person within 17 to 23 days of initial contact, it seems, is the worst time, because that's when "idealizations are at that peak," according to lead researcher Artemio Ramirez, Jr., an Associate Professor at the University of South Florida.
Similar to what I reiterated in my rebuttal in No 3, we suggest that you meet as quickly as possible. Our dating advisors all believe in this and at our dating events we always emphasise the importance of not becoming too attached and committal online. It’s ok to ask someone out on a first date after just 1 or 2 emails. In fact it’s even sexier? Confidence and chutzpa are very attractive qualities in almost anyone.
5. Curated profiles don’t provide ineffable information about who potential dates are as people.
If you want to find out which singles also like rock climbing or Godard films, then online dating is great. If you want to find out which singles are generous or have your sense of humor, then you'll likely have to suss that out in person. A 2008 study found that online dating sites are only good for narrowing down potential dates by "searchable attributes," like income or religion, rather than "experiential attributes," like rapport. Take it from the online daters themselves: A 2013 Pew Research Center poll found that 54 percent of them have felt that "someone else seriously misrepresented themselves in their profile."
Yes anyone who has to keep reminding you that they are funny and that all their friends are funny is probably as dull as dish water. Any personal attributes such as humour, will be seen in email replies, messaging and of course when you meet each other. However, we would never recommend searching for a partner based on your favourite attributes. In fact what we often think we want in someone else is based on what was lacking in a previous relationship or what we would like to see more of in ourselves. Furthermore, once you find that spark, your lobster will possess all those attributes as love has a way of creating “perfection” (and then if you fall out of love this often changes).
6. Did we mention trolls?
Trolls lurk in all corners of the Internet, and online dating sites are no exception. Pew found that 28 percent of online daters have been contacted on these sites or apps in ways that "made them feel harassed or uncomfortable." When they narrowed that down by gender, they found that a whopping 42 percent of women who online date had been harassed. Oy.
Once again this does not happen on Pink Lobster Dating. We have a team of professional sleuths who ensure that repetitive emails are deemed as spam. Plus there are lots of other top secret checks that are in place to make our members experience one that is genuine and safe.
7. Online dating is not a sure-fire way to get actual dates.
One third of online daters told Pew in 2013 that they hadn't gone out on an actual face-to-face date with their matches. Ain't nobody got time for that.
At the end of the day, none of this means that people shouldn't online date or that online dating is worse than traditional means of sparking with someone in person. It just might be helpful to keep these findings in mind as you navigate the utterly confusing world that is online and IRL dating.”
This is true, after all nothing in this world is sure-fire. Unless you take up matchmaking (which has guaranteed dates) and which Pink Lobster Dating is now offering. Plus if you attend our events there is an 80% success rate in our matches and therefore you have a much higher likelihood of going on dates. What we always say is that if you don’t ask people out, what do you expect? In any case on niche dating sites, such as our own, you are more likely to get a “yes” if you ask as the membership base has already been narrowed down and qualified for you, even within the lesbian and bisexual community.
So if you think Pink Lobster Dating is just another dating site… you’d better think again!
