The Gays Cause a Storm… Again!

If you didn’t hear, last week a councillor for the UK’s UKIP political party blamed the UK’s recent stormy weather on the gays. So that’s it, you guys, we are now in control of the elements.

UKIP councilman, David Silvester, claimed that the country had gay marriage to thank for the atrocious floods plaguing the British coastline this winter, confirming that we really are Gods amongst men.  That’s right, I’m choosing to take a positive stance on this claim. Maybe we are the ones who form rainbows in the sky. It’s not the science of the climate, it’s the homosexuals.

However, in the grand scheme of history, this is not the first stupid anti-LGBT accusation to come to the fore. In light of the recent acknowledgement from our heterosexual friends that we are all secretly Poseidon’s minions, I feel it is only appropriate to recall some of the other absurd things we’ve been blamed for in the past. Here goes! (Brace yourselves: the stupidity levels may just cause you to face palm so hard that you bruise your face.)

1)      Gay people are paedophiles.

Ah, the age old paedophilia assumption. It’s entirely possible to relate this to the Catholic Church’s recent accusations that some of their Popes participated in sex with children because they were secretly homosexual, and that is what homosexuals do. I’m not gonna go too far into that one. Nevertheless, last time I checked, being gay means you’re attracted to ADULTS of the same gender. Not children. What’s more is, studies from 2010 (sorry I couldn’t find anything more recent!) show that the child abuse rate is 0% within lesbian households. Take that, idiots.

2)      Hurricane Katrina.

We darned gays just can’t stop with the natural disasters! Yep, the gays particularly have an agenda against the US, Caribbean, and Canada, because we did our best to destroy it with Katrina. Needless to say, we didn’t entirely succeed. But y’know, we can try. (And to quote the lovely Lily Allen, “if you can’t detect the sarcasm you’re misunderstood”.)

3)      We produce only homosexual kids.

We’ve all heard this before, and we’ve probably heard all of the good responses. Such responses include “just like heterosexuals only produce heterosexual children”. When there’s a reliable scientific experiment that shows that gays only have gay kids, please let us know.

4)      9/11.

Of all of these accusations, this one seems the most ridiculous. Many Americans, including certified asshat, Pat Robertson, said that 9/11 was caused by the gays and lesbians. Oh, also the feminists. And the abortionists… Basically anyone who is not straight and white is to blame for 9/11. Seriously, are they missing half a brain? No wonder anti-Americanism is still rife across the globe.

I’m pretty sure that you all know we’ve been blamed for a bunch of other things too. AIDS, for one. Apparently vaccines make people gay too. Who knew?

So, what do you propose we do next, you gays? Maybe we could conjure a dragon to chase the Republicans out of America? Or send lightning strikes to follow David Silvester everywhere he goes?

Gays, the elements are in our hands. Let’s play!