Femme F**k You: About the series
"Being a femme lesbian is much harder than you would think. We've all been overlooked by hot dykes who have mistaken us as heterosexual, and we've all been chatted up by that creepy straight dude who wants a threesome with you and your girlfriend. Femme, F**k You is dedicated to the highs and lows of being a femme lesbian and how I view the gay world through a feminine lens."
Femme, F**k You!: “NICE TITS!”
Though this is without doubt a problem that many young girls face daily, despite their sexuality, I am 9 million per cent sure that femme lesbians will agree with me most on this one.
I’m sure you’ve all had that one time (or those several times) when a disgusting looking man has driven past you and decided that honking his car/taxi/van/lorry horn at you is appropriate.
Now usually, I wouldn’t massively let this get to me. Oftentimes when someone does this, I simply give him the ‘middle finger salute’ and get on with my day. That was until I – an innocent woman looking to cross the busy road outside my house – was not only beeped at, but I got an intrusive, degrading remark yelled at me.
“NICE TITS!” he shouted.
Upon hearing this exclamation, I ranted for at least three hours to my friends (both male and female) about why I hated this.
Unfortunately, one of my straight girlfriend’s decided to tell me I was being over dramatic about the whole thing, and “god forbid someone finds you attractive, Lauren.”
Oh hell no. She did not.
Here is why this was not okay.
1) I’m a big, ol’ gay: No, the guy driving the cab outside my home was not aware of this. Why would he be? In a straight man’s head, if a women isn’t a bull dyke with a buzz cut, they’re fair game. Although I’m sure the majority of women who get yelled at in such a manner are similarly disgusted, I’m once again 9 million per cent sure that we femme lesbians like it even less. I mean, at least heterosexual women want men to find them attractive. Most of the time I wouldn’t mind if a dude tried to flirt with me in a club, but this was some random seedy guy driving a taxi. I feel for whichever poor woman – who doesn’t even know the guy! – gets into that taxi next.
2) FEMINISM, F*** YEAH!: The (now age-old) feminist argument about such an incident would be “this type of behaviour is degrading, immature, and rude towards women”. To which I say: hell yeah it is! When will men realise that we are not there for their viewing pleasure? It’s not that I was even well put-together that day – I was wearing sweat pants and a vest as I’d just gotten home from work. But for some reason this dude seemed to think that I walked in front of him to cross the road just so he could ogle my breasts. I can’t wait for the day when men can keep their patriarchal comments to themselves.
3) Sorry but… Who the f**k are you?: As lesbians, we all have that one straight male friend – no matter how lovely and kind – who will comment something along the lines of “if only you were straight”. At least, many of us will have that friend. Anyway, the difference here is that your friends are exactly that: your friends. This cab driver who decided commenting on my boobs was no doubt sweaty, disgusting, possibly married, and also a complete stranger. Would you hear a woman yell “NICE ARSE!” to an attractive male builder (whom she doesn’t know personally) out of her car window? Probably not. So why do men feel they can shout at a woman they’ve never met out of theirs? Simple: the patriarchy tells them that it’s just what boys do. The patriarchy tells them “boys will be boys”. No. Please stop with this nonsense. You’re making men – your brothers, your fathers, your sons – sound like cavemen. They can learn that this is not okay. And they can learn this as soon as you stop saying “boys will be boys” to excuse such actions.
Though there are probably a trillion reasons I disliked this remark in particular, I won’t bore you with an over-extensive list.
Instead, I’ll leave you with this: I AM A FEMME LESBIAN AND F**K YOUR TAXI.