How does your book apply to lesbians?
I know about heterosexual relationships as the GBF (Gay Best Friend) because my straight friends tell me everything! They tell me stuff they don’t even tell their own girlfriends! I can see things in my book ‘Treat Them Mean; Keep Them Keen’ that completely applies to lesbians, for example, the ‘Talking about the EX scenario’!
Do you think lesbians are very different to date than straight people?
They are women – it doesn’t matter who you attract, you have to be attractive and to be attractive you should not be taken for granted. No one likes a needy person.
Spending a date ranting about how bad exes are to you is never good. No one wants to hear about your misery memoir or repeatedly phoning them when they don’t reply, taking phone calls during your date and screeching to your friends about great she is. Always turn your phone to silent during a date. Your date neither wants to hear about your erotic exploits nor wants to visualise you with another woman. She will know that you’re not inexperienced sexually, but she doesn’t need to visualise you.
What if you have just come out the closet and have never been with another woman?
If you are fresh out the closet don’t rush into it. It can be incredibly scary to think that this woman could be your first. It is very important not to jump into bed with someone if it is your first time as there is a huge responsibility to you both. Don’t make it like they have to teach you anything either, as it should be mutual.
Do you think straight relationships are different to lesbian and gay relationships?
Straight relationships are definitely different to gay and lesbian relationships. They are more complicated for starters. But they are much more interesting. However, the whole idea of Treat them Mean Keep them Keen is relevant to ALL women. It is about not being taken for granted.
Take days away to spend with your friends and have space. This can be very difficult if you have the same circle but do try. Also when you have your problems with your work or your family make your friends life hell and complain to them. Then when they have problems they will make your life hell as well, but don’t do this with your partner. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be friends with your partner; just don’t turn the relationship into some long psychotherapy session. This is why you have friends. One day they will have problems and call on YOU.
So what are your top dating tips?
I have a technique called ‘The Churchill Dog’ and it is all about how to flirt! You know the Churchill adverts with the nodding dog… well imagine you are the nodding dog on a date! The trick is not to talk and just to listen. The art of being a good conversationalist is being a good listener.
If you are hanging on her every word then she will be flattered and will go back to her friends and say that you are fantastic and a good listener. You will also be a mystery! She will want to come back for more. You, of course, have given her some information. But by talking less than your first date you are also getting lots of information about her. For example, does she love animals? Does she love kids if you want to have a family?
What should you do on a first date?
A first date has to be kept short – like a coffee break. This way they will want to come back for more. If she knows everything about you – your childhood, your dog, your cat and your parents then why will she come back for more? I write for women who want a relationship and not sex. Anyone can get sex; it’s about keeping them that involves some work.
It should be a gradual process – if you snog them on the first date, it’s not good.
What is the biggest mistake people make when dating?
The NO 1. biggest mistake and the most annoying thing on a first date is talking about exes. Why is it relevant to talk about exes on a date? I’m not saying don’t touch on the subject EVER. But why do they need to know the number of exes from the very beginning and all the gory details?
How do you pick a woman when online dating?
I do have a tick list in my book, but we all have to compromise! It’s different to look at an advertisement for your ideal than to actually dating them! For example, if you want to have someone younger, you may have to pay for dinner. Or if you want an older woman, you may have to expect some grey hair. So it’s all about compromises and what is more important to you. Do you want them to have a good education or is the University of Life better? You need to have your own expectations. For example, to many lesbians child raising potential is often the key.
Also when you reply to a message online always send them a question. If they ignore you, at least then if you have not heard back you can invest time with someone else.
