Fearless Femmes for 2014

^{As 2013 ended, I did the customary reflection back on the year and look ahead to 2014. I know it sounds cliched (and potentially a bit OCD), but I like to think about different aspects of my life - family, friends, work, health, finances - and yes, the gay bit - and think about what I've achieved, learnt, enjoyed, and what I hope to improve, build on or just continue in the year ahead. I'll now skip to the gay bit for the purpose of this blog post.}

^{In 2013, I met some really lovely lesbians and people interested in equality - both on and offline. Diverse lesbians from all walks of life coming together at events, bloggers who made me laugh and think, writers who want to put equality in the spotlight and, best of all, like-minded femmes.}

^{But what struck me most as I looked back at 2013 is how much more fearless I ended the year than when I started it. I've been out for six years now, and every year it's got less scary, as I've worked through the interlocking layers of fear surrounding coming out (to family, friends, at work, to every new person I meet), going to lesbian events, navigating lesbian culture and language, going on dates, and worrying about being judged or not fitting in for being too femme, for liking other femmes or for coming out quite late in my twenties and feeling that everyone I met was more experienced than me. This wasn't a linear process and it took me quite a few years to stop feeling like I was in a world where everyone else knew the rules but me. Now, I feel that the gay part of me is fully reconciled with the rest of who I am - it's integrated with my overall identity but doesn't solely define me. I've worked out which aspects of the scene and culture I like, and which bits I don't. I've realised that no matter how long you're out or how much experience you have, no one ever feels like they've mastered how to be a lesbian, any more than anyone has mastered how to be human - it's all a work in progress and is different depending on who you are and who you meet. In the past year, the bit that's clicked into place more fully is feeling truly comfortable with my femme identity, and not feeling apologetic about it not fitting any lesbian ideals. Being involved in femme communities and discussions, and realising just how many of us there are out there has played a big part in this.}

^{There is always going to be more knowledge, debate and experience of lesbian life to gain. And there are of course some big equality battles still to fight. But 2013 bought us closer to equal marriage and femme visibility as part of the diversity of the lesbian community, and 2014 promises to take us further with both of these, and hopefully other areas of equality. My hope for 2014 is that more femmes can let go of the fear, as fearlessness to be ourselves brings us closer to freedom.}